Today I nailed it. I settled the unsettleable case. I spent over 10 hours in mediation going back and forth about how to resolve a divorce that has been going on for over 4 years. I did it, and I did it well. My client was happy, and I was happy. I nailed it… in one small area of my life, known as my work life.
In other areas of my life, today was a total disaster. As a result of spending 10 hours on one case, I didn’t get to take my daughter to her check-up. I didn’t get to the gym. I also didn’t get to go to the grocery store (again). This means grilled cheese for dinner (again). I forgot to send my aunt’s birthday card out, which means she now will get it 6 days late, instead of the 5 days late it would’ve been, if I mailed it today.
Photo Credit: The Broad Side
I had to bail on my plans to see friends for drinks tonight because a.) I’d be an hour late; and b.) I’m just too mentally drained to talk to anyone else today. I am already missing my daughter’s bed time, and now I am missing it without even the offset of some quality time with my friends.
Like everyone else, I have a million figurative balls perpetually up in the air. If I tried to group them, my list of balls in the air would be: (1) my family; (2) my career; (3) my friendships; (4) sleeping; and (5) staying in shape. I’ve heard it’s realistic to only do 3 of the 5 well. But nonetheless, I cannot think of one I would (or should) give up.
Surely, there must be some way to have it all.
The truth is, some days I kill it at work. Other days I’m supermom. And on other days, I’m the best friend you could ask for. Those days will rarely, if ever, align, and you can bet that if they do, I didn’t sleep or work out that day.
As a society, we are all aspiring to have it all, whatever that means. We try to be the best parents, employees, friends, daughters, sisters, and role models we can be. We are quite literally trying to wear multiple hats at once. It’s unrealistic.
I’m trying to accept that we can have it all, just never at once. Unless someone has figured out how to survive without sleeping?
Ashley Vallillo Manzi lives in Hoboken with her husband and two year old daughter. She is a family law attorney with Ziegler Zemsky & Resnick. With focus on prenuptial agreements, divorce, alimony & child custody, Ashley sees her role as "helping someone arrive at a new beginning." On the weekends, Greg, Brielle, and Ashley love to go out for brunch, playing in Church Square Park, or chasing the birds along Sinatra Drive. With lots of friends and family (her siblings live here too!) this family is always on the go.