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To Judge or Not to Judge...A Letter from the Editor


When my son was nine weeks old, we spoke to our pediatrician about sleeping through the night. I was about to go back to work (when he was 10 weeks old due to crappy maternity leave) and we wanted to know our options. He was a fantastic sleeper since birth, so we didn't think it would be a terrible transition. We used a version of "sleep training" that they coached us through and it worked amazingly in less than 3 nights. The first night, I took to my PERSONAL Facebook page asking for tips on not racing to your baby the second you heard them cry and made a joke about needing advice besides finishing a bottle of wine. Again, this was my personal page. It's my friends. It's people who know my sense of humor and who gave me outstanding advice. These were my people. I had him at 36. Most of my friends were done having kids or on their third, so I knew people could help me out. One "friend" -- I'm talking was a guest at her bridal shower and wedding -- decided I was a horrible person and was getting sloppy drunk at home letting my new baby scream in distress. Because of her opinion, the nightmare began. She began by cyberbullying me. This was abusive statements ALL NIGHT on my Facebook page, teaming up with an acquaintance from high school writing all over HIS page when I blocked them both, threatening to call DYFS on my husband and me. It was awful! I was hysterically crying and my husband called child services to essentially make the report FIRST and find out if that was even a case she could make. After her long proclamation that sleep training or cry it out was an option only selected by lazy working moms who don't have the time to deal with their children appropriately, I had to threaten to call the cops for cyber stalking and she finally back pedaled and went away. I've NEVER publicly spoken about this. Kane is over 3 and it still haunts me that someone did this to me. Being called a bad mother is still the worst thing anyone has ever said to me!

About three weeks later, I went to my first new mom's meet-up. I have lived here for over 20 years and most of my "mom" friends are in the suburbs now, so I needed some new people to connect with who had a three month old too. I was nervous. I was a working mom. My son was drinking a bottle. I still felt "fat". Would they like me? Was I going to be so much older than them? I felt like I was going on a blind date only this time I was bringing a tiny chaperone strapped to my chest, had insanely dark circles, and a few too many gray hairs! I felt some judgement for sure, but made some great friends through the process.

When Cassie and I started Little Hoboken, the above issues came with us. It was a driving force to have a TRULY judgement-free area for moms and parents. Not someone who says it because it's a buzz word. We don't care if you nurse or bottle feed as long as there's not Diet Coke in the bottle. We don't care if you work or stay home. We both have done both. We don't care if you only want one kid or literally cannot stop having babies. We don't care if you're single, divorced, gay, straight, happily married, have a nanny, use a daycare, co-sleep, or put your kid in a guest house to sleep! (Also, if you have a guest house, can we sleep in it for just one night???) There is NO room for it. We have a tongue-in-cheek way of dealing with motherhood with funny memes, funny videos we share, real-life stories about what life really looks like, and never try to make anyone feel like we are authorities in parenting, (oh my god, we are SO not!) or that they are inferior. We're just a pair of working moms who created a platform for everyone to get an education from experts, plan fun events for us to all meet new moms and kids, and again, be JUDGEMENT FREE!

That said, we do not allow negative comments on our Instagram or Facebook. We will not post your articles you submit that are mean, non-inclusive, bash other mothers, or other local businesses, and we will not EVER name names. For example, that person who mom-shamed me when Kane was 9 weeks old. She's local, she's a mom, she owns a business. You'll never catch me publicly shaming her! NEVER! (Don't ask, I honestly won't tell you, lol!)

If we don't post your posts or delete your comments, this is why. We're all just trying to navigate this motherhood thing and man, it's rough! If anyone else knows how to make a three year old listen the first time you tell them to do something, please reach out!

We are working on more mom meet-ups. Daytime for new moms and evening for mom nights out. We spend SO much time trying to make sure our events work for working moms who can't come during the day or SAHM's who need events to be later once they have a childcare option to come out without their kiddie entourage. We try to please everyone. We don't care if you parent like us or agree with us...but, we care that you like Little Hoboken and what it stands for. We care that you respect one another and don't bash them for parenting different than you do! We hope we'll see you at more of our events for both Little Hoboken and Little Jersey City. We hope that you continue to support the local businesses and we hope that you'll explore the cool places our Edgewater mom is sharing. We invite all of you in Edgewater to come out too! You'll be hearing more on this from her in her own words, but please know, there's no room for mom shaming on Little Hoboken's platforms!

And remember....when your kids make you feel defeated...there's always wine! (don't call the police on me!)

xo,

Melissa


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HEADER PHOTO CREDIT: Danielle Guenther Photography

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