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Will We Ever Have Sex Again?


It's the classic sitcom joke. Some veteran married man tells the bright-eyed newly engaged man that once he gets married, they will never have sex again. Not true. The joke should be not about marriage, but about your sex life post-baby.

I went to dinner with a group of girlfriends for my birthday in January of this year. All except two were married with children. At this point, Kane was 14 months old and I had never talked to any of my friends about my sex life (or lack thereof) since his birth, because I was horrified by it! Someone said that their sister-in-law told them that a healthy couple has sex 12 times a month at minimum. She said this while she scoffed. She has a child my son's age. Another friend who was at the table with three kids and over a decade of marriage under her belt said, "I think they meant 12 times a year." We all laughed, but then it turned out that no one was having sex. We were all in the same place. Overworked, overtired, and just not in the mood. None of us seemed to have marital issues. In fact, we were all happy in our marriages. Life was just different. The common thread, myself included, seemed to be that everyone WISHED we were more intimate and had good intentions to fix that every day, but it just wasn't happening.

I had the chance to speak to Amy Levine, a sex coach and owner of Ignite Your Pleasure, to discuss this topic and get some tips!

As a sex coach, I know it's common to get into a rut and what it takes to get back on track. As a mom, I know what you're going through, as I've been there too. Here's the deal. There are many things that can take their toll on your sex life. Maybe it's the healing process, breastfeeding and tired of being touched, hormonal fluctuations, lack of sleep, stress of feeling the need to be an amazing parent and partner - only to learn from trial and error what works and what doesn't do the trick. What you need to know is it's completely natural to feel this way, and that there are other ways of reconnecting besides having sex to keep intimacy alive.

How can a couple get the desire back to have sex when they have a new baby in the house?

Isn't it interesting that an intimate act that brings a baby into this world, can disconnect a couple physically? Remind yourself you're on your own time schedule to getting back in the mood. You don't need to have sex if you're not ready. However, touch is the best way to reconnect. It may be holding hands with your hubby, intertwining legs when you're sleeping next to your partner, or making sure to kiss daily (which many of us forget to do in long-term relationships). The key is doing something rather than nothing. Without some connection, it's easy to feel like roommates.

What if you are co-sleeping parents or simply just have your child in your room?

Being intimate with your partner when the baby is in the room is natural. People tend not to admit it or don't do it because they feel uncomfortable. You'll likely be conscious of your noise level and not doing anything too adventurous - you may even feel the need to do it under the covers in the dark. If you need to be in the bed or the room with the baby, for the sake of your relationship, you make it work. Save the bondage tape and the loud erotic talk for sex on the couch. And make time for that too.

What are some tips to make the time for intimacy and not feel like you are forcing it?

You likely put your baby on a schedule, and you may have to do it for yourselves too. Take advantage of help - whether's it's a nanny, babysitter or a grandparent - and carve out time for intimacy. Here are some things that work well: Fooling around in the shower (it's ok that the caregiver is in the other room you may just want to be aware of your noise level), sending them out for a stroll so you can be in the moment and not worry about being interrupted or book a hotel room so you can have a satisfying date night - even if that means a good night sleep without getting it on. Remember what that was like? After all, sexual desire is linked to getting enough sleep.

How much is the average couple with a child or children REALLY having sex?

Here's the deal: It's important we stop comparing ourselves to statistics, or what we think other couples are doing in bed. The real answer is your response to this question: What quality and quantity is important for you and your partner? If your answer is mismatched and you're unable to compromise in some way to have a happy medium or want more intimacy and connection, I can help you break through your rut.

Amy Levine is a renowned sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure. She works with people - like you - to address sexuality questions and concerns, trouble-shooting dilemmas and providing guidance to help set goals and achieve them. Ultimately, inspiring singles and couples to become confident and empowered in and out of bed.

Get instant access to Amy's free article Top 10 Ways To Increase Your Pleasure Potential here. You can contact Amy at 646.221.9270 or amy@igniteyourpleasure.com

Little Hoboken Exclusive Offer:

SPARK Session $125 ($300 value)

If you have a good sense of what's going on in your sex life and want insight and guidance, SPARK is for you. This is a one-time power packed hour of coaching for you alone or with your partner. It's a great way to check out the coaching experience and if you want more expertise and guidance, you can continue with the IGNITE program.

IGNITE Program: $1,800

This is an exclusive coaching 3 month experience (6 sessions) that's limited to a small number of singles and couples. It's based on us being a match so we can maximize your success. In our work together I will guide you to set and achieve your goals, helping you break through your ruts and transform your {sex} life.

Click here to learn more about Amy's SPARK session and IGNITE program.

*This Little Hoboken Offer is good until July 15, 2016.


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